Liberal boogeyman

From RationalWiki

Liberal boogeymen are an imaginary group of Liberals who spend their time hiding under Conservative beds and in Conservative closets waiting for them to let their guard down and attack them.

Contents 1 Definition 2 Agenda 3 Sightings 3.1 Bill O'Reilly 3.2 Ann Coulter 3.3 Phyllis Schlafly 3.4 Andrew Schlafly 4 Prominent Boogeymen 4.1 Bill Clinton 4.2 Barack Obama 4.3 Hillary Clinton 4.4 Al Gore 4.5 Michael Moore 4.6 Ward Churchill 4.7 George Soros 4.8 Richard Dawkins 5 Footnotes

[edit] Definition

Liberal Boogeymen are best defined separately.

Liberal: adj, Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.

Boogeymen: n, A terrifying specter; a hobgoblin.

As you can see, a Liberal Boogeyman is a terrifying hobgoblin, not limited by established traditions.

[edit] Agenda

Liberal Boogeymen are skulking in the shadows, waiting for Conservatives to let down their defenses for just a moment, at which point they jump out of their hiding places and kidnap their victim, bringing him to the Head Boogeyman George Soros for reprogramming. Although there are many points on the "Boogeygenda" the highest prioities are:

• Convincing the world that Liberal Boogeymen don't exist
• Supplying money (secretly) to every known agency. This convinces them to add Liberal bias to everything they do
• Making Christianity illegal
• Pursuing the "homosexual agenda", also known as the "gay agenda"
• Equal rights for all people, not just rich white males
• Helping the terrorists win by trying to re-outlaw torture, stop blowing up Iraqis and stop the government form wiretapping the phones of innocent citizens.
• Bad-mouthing America every chance they get.^[1]
• Making both sexes go pee together^[2]

[edit] Sightings

Despite their best efforts, Liberal Boogeymen have been spotted many times by Vigilant Conservatives. The extra vigilant conservatives actually manage to get a glimpse of Soros, the Head Boogeyman himself. Although shaken by these sightings, the Conservatives snap out of their shock and push their fears to the back, so as to put on a brave face to keep Conservative morale high.

[edit] Bill O'Reilly

Main Article: Bill O'Reilly

Mr. O'Reilly is easily the most prolific Boogey spotter alive today, having caught a glimpse of these mysterious figures many times, including several close calls with Soros.

For example, when Indiana University released a study stating that

• "Our results show a consistent pattern of O'Reilly casting non-Americans in a negative light. Both illegal aliens and foreigners were constructed as physical threats to the public and never featured in the role of victim or hero."

O'Reilly spotted the Boogeymen behind it and told his audience the truth, that Indiana University has received millions of dollars from George Soros (See agenda above)

Bill has also spotted the hidden Boogeymen in Media Matters for America saying "I think Soros, his money that goes in, and then hires these assassins, does damage. I mean, these are the people who damaged William Bennett (search). And they tried to damage me.[[1]]

[edit] Ann Coulter

Main Article: Ann Coulter

[edit] Phyllis Schlafly

Main article: Phyllis Schlafly

Phyllis Schlafly (born Phyllis Schlafly-don't-bother-me) crashed the boogey-party in the late 70's by stepping in and blocking passage of the ERA amendment (AKA: Boogeyparty Plan H). While several Boogeymen took on public roles to assure the fairness of the amendment, Phyllis managed to see through all this and observe that what we really wanted to do was created Unisex bathrooms and draft really hot women into the military (it has been suggested that her main beef with the amendment is that she would not be eligible for the hot draft). After succeeding in her mission, she decided the world neeeded more vigilent spotters, so she Begat......

[edit] Andrew Schlafly

Main Article: Andrew Schlafly

Schafly is a relative newcomer to the Boogey-Spotting crowd, but he has hit the field running and never looked back. Recently, he became the source of some concern, as he saw right through the "religious protest" of the Hindu Chaplain in the Senate. Despite his repeated comments indicating a loss in Neural function, Andy-Baby (as he's known in CP circles) continues his never-ending mission, boldly going where no Conservative has gone before, finding (or inventing) and attacking all Liberal Boogeymen that stand in his way.

[edit] Prominent Boogeymen

[edit] Bill Clinton

Main Article: William Jefferson Clinton

Known to all Conservatives as the Antichrist, Bill Clinton was the president for eight years. Despite that, he was still harshly criticized by Conservatives. He is the only Boogeyman to hold the office of the presidency (Jimmy Carter isn't an official member).

[edit] Barack Obama

Main Article: Barack Obama

The newest Liberal Boogeyman on the block, a virtual unknown 2 years ago. Obama instills terror in the hearts of many Conservatives with his dark skin, suspicious name and sweet musky odours. Being forged from the liberal favorite, Affirmative Action, Obama horrifies Conservatives by posing as a god-fearing, married gent from Hawaii. When in fact, vigilent conservatives has dug deep and found him to be an Islamic homosexual from Kenya or one of the other 57 Islamic states.

[edit] Hillary Clinton

Main Article: Hillary Clinton

Terrifying, deadly and even worse than Bill, Hilary is the current Headmistress at the Boogeyman training school. Not only is she attempting to claim the Presidency for the Boogeymen once again (aided, no doubt with money from Soros), she also instructs the up and coming Boogeymen in general thuggery.

[edit] Al Gore

Main Article: Al Gore

Former vice president and professional whiner who couldn't shut up and accept a blatantly slanted court verdict in some contested election a few years back. Now a hypocrite who owns a big house (what's all this mumbo-jumbo about solar power and carbon offsets? Sounds commie to me) and runs a cable network that will air a documentary film made by practically anyone as long as it's shorter than fifteen minutes.

[edit] Michael Moore

Main Article: Michael Moore

Makes movies. Well, movies that embarrass conservatives.

[edit] Ward Churchill

Main Article: Ward Churchill

The supreme spiritual leader all Liberals, everywhere. Despite his near god-like influence, he prefers to watch from the shadows. He keeps a low profile ^[3], posing as a university professor. Widely believed to be the right hand man of George Soros himself. Recently, a dedicated group of Conservatives connected the dots and flushed him out of his "high ranking" position for "plagiarizing" his work and "lying" about his "Native American" "ancestry". However, this was simple another step in the master plan. By terminating his position, deceitful Liberals can claim that academia is not biased.

[edit] George Soros

Main Article: George Soros

The financier behind the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy. Bears absolutely no resemblance to Richard Mellon Scaife at all, not in the least.

[edit] Richard Dawkins

Main Article: Richard Dawkins

The enemy of religion, he hopes to destroy the Christian faith and Judeo-Christian values.

[edit] Footnotes

1. ↑ You may notice that "eating babies" is not on the liberal agenda list. But many of you may wonder, "do liberals eat babies?" The short answer is "no," and the long answer is "yes," with a "but."
2. ↑ That so turns us sick Liberals on
3. ↑ So low that a good many liberals have never heard of him. (I hadn't heard of him. Neither had I.)