Fun:Andy's Evening

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Andy's Evening

Andy nodded smugly as a fine heterosexual conservative breeze blew through the open window. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. He was used to receiving hourly requests for attention from Ken, but in this one instance he smiled as he read Ken's latest article suggestion: Richard Dawkins and Ed Poor's parole hearing. The stress of the long day seemed to evaporate as Andy lowered himself into his chair, the burdens of the day had finally lifted.

With a gleam in his eye and a spring in his step, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent success Conservapedia has had on YouTube. As he demanded his wife make him a ham and swiss cheese sandwich, to fulfill her duty as his 'helpmeet', Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Woken by a sudden sound, Andy sat immediately upright, throwing out his back as he did so. With the speed of a man half his age, Andy took flight as he bolted toward his study to answer his phone. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. As Andy was informed of the situation that had unfolded in his absence, his blood began to boil. Without so much as a farewell, Andy slammed the phone down and made haste to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " Godless butt face!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.

His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from His talk page, by now almost entirely occupied by Ken's tragic please for attention, and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy was filled with anger as cited fact after cited fact filled his screen. After immediately burning the page, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.

After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User" (your insulting name is getting tiresome), like other atheists, do you spend much of your time censoring others?? I've managed to read your rants and I did reflect on how your 'experts' perceive American conservatives, and I've concluded they are clueless, so clearly you're not here to substantially contribute to this project. I urge you, I beseech you, I beg you: accept that pregnancy stops moral decay. As I've said before, you'd never put gasoline in your tank if it were full, yet you do want government controls to stop non-existent global warming. Unlike Wikipedia, which is plagued with liberal bias and gossip, Conservapedia is a true learning resource that enables students to excel. And you still haven't answered the question. Suit yourself, but I'm moving on.--aschlafly 11:12, 10 June 2024 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of Infinite (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Moronic vandalism)

With the liberal vandal defeated, Andy breathed a deep sigh. After carefully undressing he slumped in the corner and softly sobbed himself back to sleep.

The End