Essay:Why All Alaskans Are Mentally Ill
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This essay is an original work by DocSock. Please comment only on the talk page.
It is a well-known fact (by me) that all Alaskans suffer from severe mental illness. Thankfully, the good Lord has made known to me the reasons for this.
Contents |
[edit] Geography
Maine is the part of the U.S. furthest from the equator (except for Alaska). This makes all the difference. [1] Large sheets of ice called "glashers" or something like that, and mountains and stuff keep all the people apart so that they get lonely.
[edit] Isolation
[edit] Physical
This isolation leads to loneliness [2], Onanism...
[edit] Genetic
...and inbreeding.
[edit] Sunlight, what's that?
They suffer from chronic seasonal affective disorder.
[edit] Dessert
And they have a lame, old-fashioned dessert named after them, which does not contain goat.
[edit] Anecdotal evidence
Valerie Plame is from Alaska, and she clearly has a persecution complex, thus essentially proving the hypothesis.
[edit] But the Technology!
At least one of them understands the Internet!
