George W. Bush
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“I love this guy.”
“George who? Doesn't ring a bell.”
~ God
“We're sorry. So very sorry.”
~ 50.0001% of Florida
George W. Bush Jr. is now and forever the 43rd President of the United States.
Contents |
[edit] Youthful discretion
When younger he was a bit of a wild party animal type, the best sort of fellow to have help organize your keg party book worm. However, his wife and vehicular homicitrix Laura "Pickles" Bush whacked him upside the head with a Bible. In his new-found love of Jesus, he quit drinking and began his disastrous slide ascent into high office heaven - on the left hand of God.
[edit] Presidency
During his administration the standing in the world of the United States has plummeted to perhaps an all-time low shrunk due to the United States' declaring their independence from the rest of the evil world. That's right. Every other country is evil.
His approval ratings have fallen to Watergate-esque numbers.[2] are irrelevant.
The economy has struggled - while the Dow Jones Industrial Average has recovered the "numbers" lost in the post-dot com boom crash, the dollar has dropped by a similar amount against the Euro - meaning that in Euros (the currency of the largest free market on the planet), the U.S. economy has been stagnant for six years. is irrelevant.
He has started a war that has no purpose but to enrich the private companies he and other administration figures have financial interests in.(see below part about 9/11)
He has ignored science on several major issues, preferring to promote bizarre policies, such the abstinence-only farce of sex education faith. Because all scientists are anti-Christian gay terrorists.
He is an avid reader of filthy smut and fetish magazines, FBI files, and children's books such as The Pet Goat.
His two potentially useful contributions, "No Child Left Behind" and the (as yet unpassed) Immigration Reform thing, have failed because of lack of funding and lack of support, respectively.
He can't even seem to get himself a decent blow job while talking to Senators on the telephone.
And he snickers instead of laughing or smiling.
Oh yeah, he is a traitor to the United States and should be tried, convicted, and removed from office forthwith, and his boss Dick "Dick" Cheney too member of the holy Quadrity (3 = trinity, 4= ?).
He is also responsible for many unprovoked, (though possibly unpremeditated) attacks upon the English language. These have entered the vocabulary under the name Bushisms.
One of Bush's most idiotic, useless accomplishments and possibly the greatest example of his detrimental achievements was the creation of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, an office of the White House that focuses on the lowest branch of the evolutionary family. Commonly known as Creationists, viewed as a group of people it is necessary to lock up and keep away from the more intelligent parts of society, supporters of the Office don't seem to realize the Office focuses on tearing down the wall of separation of church and state through the use of so called faith-based initiatives, such as blatant propaganda, teaching the kids in school that prayer will solve all of their problems and that abstinence is the only way to avoid dying a horrible death, thus disrupting important life education.
He has also declared himself to be the "world's biggest polluter".
[edit] Accusations
The Bush Administration has:
- Outed an undercover CIA operative
- Lied to Congress and the American people to get into a war
- Disregarded intelligence estimates, and instead manufactured its own intelligence to support political goals
- Exerted political pressure to hide facts about climate change
- Fired U.S. Attorneys who wouldn't prosecute bogus vote fraud charges against Democrats, or who would prosecute vote fraud charges against Republicans[3]
- Tried to create a fourth branch of government, answerable to no one
- Defied Congressional subpoenas
- Destroyed documents that cannot, by law, be destroyed
- Violated its own rules on document declassification
- Authorized torture--or, as they like to call being bitten by dogs, being nearly drowned, and being sodomized and forced into homosexual acts, "aggressive interrogation"--in violation of both the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Conventions.
acted as the strong leader we needed after 9/11. Ever since 9/11 he has only done things to benefit the safety of our nation. Did we mention 9/11?
[edit] Medical history
On July 21st, 2007, doctors removed five polyps from Bush's large intestine. Later analysis revealed them to be benign--leave it to modern medicine to remove the one part of Bush that isn't malignant god-like.[4] (Rumors that the doctors were, in fact, looking for Tony Blair or Bush's head are baseless, tasteless lies.)
[edit] Bushisms
See the main article about this subject, Bushisms.
Like all famous strange people. great Presidents, Bush has a few problems with literacy eccentricities[5]
[edit] Notes on official biography
George W. Bush is the 43rd President of the United States. He was sworn into office on January 20, 2001, re-elected on November 2, 2004, and sworn in for a second term on January 20, 2005. Prior to his Presidency, President Bush served for 6 years as the 46th Governor of the State of Texas, where he earned a reputation for bipartisanship and as a compassionate conservative who shaped public policy based on the principles of limited government, personal responsibility, strong families, local control[6], and executing as many convicted criminals as possible. (compare this to W. J. Clinton's biography [7]). His change in governing style, to one of pure authoritarianism, has been attributed to the replacement of several of his puppet strings with a different brand.
[edit] Our Leader (places right hand on heart and looks stunned to see a flag)
A not even slightly sycophantic message from a devout Wanker on CP:[8]
- (WARNING: vomit may harm your computer keyboard and screen - prepare to turn swiftly away at any moment)
THE LEADER
Patient and steady with all he must bear,
Ready to meet every challenge with care,
Easy in manner, yet solid as steel,
Strong in his faith, refreshingly real.
Isn't afraid to propose what is bold,
Doesn't conform to the usual mould,
Eyes that have foresight, for hindsight won't do,
Never backs down when he sees what is true,
Tells it all straight, and means it all too.
Going forward and knowing he's right,
Even when doubted for why he would fight,
Over and over he makes his case clear,
Reaching to touch the ones who won't hear.
Growing in strength he won't be unnerved,
Ever assuring he'll stand by his word.
Wanting the world to join his firm stand,
Bracing for war, but praying for peace,
Using his power so evil will cease,
So much a leader and worthy of trust,
Here stands a man who will do what he must.
[edit] Legacy
The president's "legacy" has become a short term version of their historical place in the pantheon. Short term, in that actual sitting presidents worry about it.
The whole world fears, as of October 2008, that the Shrub's legacy will be that under his watch (besides allowing an Al Qaeda attack that killed thousands of Americans, allowing New Orleans to be drowned and ruined, etc.) perhaps, the Second Great Depression might be starting. Or, perhaps, the world's biggest "no eyes attached" bailout of the financial sector of the economy. Or maybe both? Either way, the first possibility simply sucks, and the second is socialism done really badly.
[edit] See also
[edit] Footnotes
As if there'd be references for this tripe. Oh, wait, it's all true... It is. Believe it. Or else.
- ↑ Voice in his head
- ↑ http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2007/06/21/newsweek_bush_approval_at_26_percent/8516/
- ↑ See Regent University
- ↑ Truthout: Don't Know Much About History
- ↑ An external link to a list is here.
- ↑ http://www.whitehouse.gov/president/biography.html
- ↑ http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/bc42.html
- ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User:AmerICan&diff=prev&oldid=493760
