Roger Schlafly

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Tired of being alone, 39, into music, computers, cinema, and WLTM a younger guy 18-26 for fun, friendship, perhaps more...
Tired of being alone, 39, into music, computers, cinema, and WLTM a younger guy 18-26 for fun, friendship, perhaps more...
Scarier without the whiskers?With them?We provide, you decide!
Scarier without the whiskers?
With them?
We provide, you decide!
Roger with too short a focal length.
Roger with too short a focal length.

Roger Schlafly is the hillbilly[1] brother of Conservapedia founder Andrew Schlafly and is a conservative activist in his own right. Among Phyllis Schlafly's brood, Roger ranks third in order of birth and runs a close race with Andy for lack of intelligence.

Surprisingly, he has recently begun contesting many of Andy's ridiculous claims. Though his motives are unknown, his despicable posting of facts is sure to soon earn him a name as yet another deceitful liberal. (and probably a ban).

Contents

[edit] Personal Life

According to Schlafly's personal site: "I am a mathematician, computer scientist, cryptology consultant, computer programmer, and patent agent. I am available if you need an expert opinion on a cryptosystem or a patent. Often some money paid for analysis in advance can save a lot of money and trouble later." Roger is a self-confessed Libran and a Rat[2].

Roger is also a raging paranoiac, which is partly why brother Andrew tried not to let him know about his new blog, "Conservapedia". He found out about it via the news,[3] however, and their mom made Andy let Roger play with him.

Roger apparently thinks he is a pretty bright guy, but so was Ted Kaczinski, his fashion idol. Want to meet him? He's available!

“ Hi, I live in the Santa Cruz mountains. I like my job, adventures, kids, and intelligent women. I have a PhD in Math and I can discuss many other subjects. I am fit, educated, healthy, addiction-free, sane, divorced, debt-free, and available.[4] ”

[edit] Failed cryptographer

Roger is perhaps best remembered for his invention of a bizarre stream cipher for the (then) popular pkzip compression tool. Compared to similar stream ciphers of the day, such as the then still secret RC4 this cipher could at best be described as inefficient and idiosyncratic. It was very quickly proved insecure, with analytical attacks far better than brute force shown to be possible including a known plaintext attack requiring just 13 octets of plaintext.

Going from strength to strength, Roger managed to get himself sued by security giant RSA Data Security for violating their US patents to public key encryption algorithms. He briefly found himself a usenet cause célèbre by filing suit against RSA claiming various of their patents were invalid and $2 million in damages. The suit was dismissed. It is not known if this particular bungle involved his brother, who would have been newly qualified as a lawyer at the time.

[edit] Siblings

[edit] number 2

This article, like his brother Andrew's, has the distinction of being number 2 on a Google search.[5] It should be noted that the no.1 spot isn't Conservapedia.

[edit] Interests and activities

  • Smiting sodomites
  • Renouncing the Enlightenment
  • Making sure he has the BIGGEST gun possible.
  • Documenting grudges [6]
  • Bashing string theory
  • Optimizing spreadsheet performance [7]


[edit] Achievements

On June 28, 2008, Roger became a professional "gurgitator", gulping 11 hot dogs and buns and finishing second at the San Bruno’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. He was right behind Kevin Ross, who managed to eat 17 and 3/4 hot dogs and buns. [8] San Bruno’s contest is a qualifier for the national round in New York. Ross' win earned him a trip to participate in the 91st Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island, which took place last July. Roger stayed at home.

To achieve his second place, "When prompted to eat, [Schlafly] broke a hot dog in half, rammed it into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. Then he dunked the bun in water and crammed it into his mouth."

Schlafly, a newcomer to competitive eating, was surprised at his capabilities. We eagerly await his future successes!

[edit] Roger on Andy?

I keep running into people who seem to think that they have mind reading capabilities. They will confidently state what other people must be thinking, based on the skimpiest of evidence.

I am the sort of man who is not hard to read. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Nevertheless, I sometimes hear people try to tell me that I am thinking something completely different.

People seem to do this mind reading without even realizing that they are doing it. And they don't seem affected by the contrary evidence.[9]

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ Santa Cruz mountains, CA
  2. ↑ http://www.blogger.com/profile/01839535941901980008
  3. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:RSchlafly&diff=39773&oldid=39726
  4. ↑ Roger's perfect mate would almost certainly be a goat. Goats also live in the mountains. They enjoy adventures, they have kids, and are intelligent (for godless beasts, anyway). Goats are fit, healthy, addiction-free, sane, debt-free, and available -- for as little as 150 American dollars.
  5. ↑ Google Roger Schlafly
  6. ↑ http://www.mindspring.com/~schlafly/kooks.htm
  7. ↑ http://www.google.com/patents?spell=1&q=%22inventor%3A+roger+schlafly%22&btnG=Search+Patents
  8. ↑ San Mateo County’s Weekend Roundup. Also see cp:Competitive eating
  9. ↑ One of Roger's blogs
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